Learning to Say No

Honestly… not often. Or at least, not in the past. I’ve always struggled with saying “no.” You could say I was almost allergic to it. Being an introverted girl who avoids conflict like it’s the plague, I always found it easier to say “yes” and deal with the consequences later, consequences that usually meant sacrificing my own time, peace, and progress.

Many of my classmates caught on to this early. They’d ask for help, notes, assignments, emotional support, you name it. And me, wanting to be helpful, to be liked, to feel like I belonged somewhere, I’d always say yes. Even if my own work was suffering. Even if I was drowning silently. And once their work was done, it was like I vanished from their radar. The silence was loud. Even now, when old batchmates call, it’s almost always because they need something. Not to check in, not to ask how I’m doing… just to get something done.

And when we talk about interference with goals, oh, it goes way beyond classmates.
My family has this blueprint for how my life should go: get a stable, high-earning government job, get married, have kids, live a life that looks like everyone else’s around me. Rinse and repeat. It’s the same pattern our parents followed, and their parents before them.
But… I don’t want that.
Somewhere along the way, I started to feel this gnawing thought in my heart, Is this all there is to life?
Just going through the motions?
No space to dream, to wonder, to explore who we really are?

I’ve started to believe that we’re not just here to survive. We’re here to live fully. To explore ourselves, our thoughts, our pain, our potential. To break cycles. To heal. To question why we were born in this time, this place, with this heart and mind. But hey, let’s leave the philosophical rabbit hole for another time.

Back to the question: I’m learning to say no now.
It’s not easy. It still makes me anxious. But I’ve started saying no to things that drain me, to expectations that don’t align with who I am. Especially to family. I know it might cost me a lot. Maybe I’ll lose people. Maybe some will hate me for it. Maybe my own family will feel like I’m disappointing them. But after years of putting everyone else first, I’m choosing me now.

I will not get married just because it’s “time.” Not until I’ve healed. Not until my heart and mind are in a space where they’re ready to share life with someone.
I’m choosing to follow what I want to do, not what I’ve been told I should do.
It’s scary. But freeing.
And honestly? That little word “no” is starting to feel like the most powerful, healing word I’ve ever spoken.

Daily writing prompt

How often do you say “no” to things that would interfere with your goals?

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