Most people think they know me, but the truth is, they only see what they want to see. They have a version of me that fits into their expectations, their needs, their convenience. I wear a mask every day—one that I’ve become so skilled at putting on that it seems like second nature. But underneath that mask lies a reality that almost no one knows.
What people don’t see is that I’ve been fighting with depression for over a decade now. They have no idea what it’s like to wake up each day and push through the fog of sadness that lingers in my mind. They don’t know that most nights, I cry myself to sleep, hoping that tomorrow might feel a little lighter, a little less suffocating—but it never really does.
I think about death more often than I’d like to admit. These thoughts are like unwelcome shadows, always lurking in the corners of my mind. I try to push them away, but they come back, again and again, reminding me of the battles I fight when no one is looking.
The pain I feel is more than I can describe, but I keep it hidden. I don’t have the courage to share it with anyone, because honestly, I don’t think anyone would truly listen or understand. I’ve learned that people want to hear what makes them comfortable, what fits into their world. My reality doesn’t fit, so I stay silent.
There’s so much more to me than what meets the eye. There are stories I carry within me, stories of struggle, of silent tears, of sleepless nights spent staring at the ceiling, wondering if I’ll ever feel okay again. But I keep those stories locked away because there’s no one to hear them, no one to help me carry the weight.
People don’t see the real me, but maybe it’s not their fault. Maybe it’s just easier for everyone—myself included—to keep up the façade. Maybe it’s less painful to pretend than to reveal the truth. But I hope that one day, someone might be willing to look a little deeper, to see beyond the mask, and to understand that sometimes, even the ones who seem strong are fighting battles that words could never capture.
The Thought Box 
Leave a comment