Live for Yourself, Not Others

Looking back on my life, there are certain lessons I wish I had learned much earlier. These lessons could have saved me from a lot of heartache, frustration, and wasted time trying to live up to expectations that were never really mine. One of the most significant lessons I’ve learned is that expectations can be the root cause of much suffering.

Never Expect Anything from Anyone

For much of my life, I lived under the weight of expectations—both my own and those of others. I expected people to treat me the way I treated them, to understand my unspoken thoughts, and to always be there when I needed them. But life doesn’t work that way. I learned, often painfully, that expectations are like silent traps waiting to ensnare us. They lead to disappointment, frustration, and, more often than not, a sense of betrayal. People are unpredictable, and they have their own battles to fight. Expecting them to live up to my ideals or anticipating that they will respond the way I want only left me feeling hurt and let down. If there’s one thing I wish I had realized sooner, it’s to never expect anything from anyone. When I stopped expecting, I found a strange sense of peace. Life became simpler, relationships more authentic, and my own happiness more self-driven.

It’s Okay to Say No

Another lesson that took me far too long to learn is the power and importance of saying “no.” For years, I believed that in order to be liked or loved, I needed to please everyone around me. I would agree to things that made me uncomfortable, commit to responsibilities I had no desire to take on, and stay silent when I should have spoken up. The idea of saying “no” was terrifying; it felt selfish, rude, or unkind. However, I learned that saying “no” is not about rejecting others; it’s about respecting myself. It’s okay to say “no” to things that don’t align with my values, goals, or desires. It’s okay to protect my mental and emotional space. Trying to make everyone happy only led me to neglect my own happiness. Once I learned to say “no,” I found that my relationships became more honest, and I began to attract people who genuinely respected me for who I am.

Follow Your Own Path

One of the greatest struggles in life is choosing between what you want for yourself and what others want for you. I’ve always been passionate about psychology and research, but there were times when I was pressured to follow a more “secure” path, such as securing a government job or choosing a profession that would be deemed more “respectable.” For a long time, I tried to mold myself into someone else’s idea of success, only to realize that I was losing myself in the process. It took me a while, but I eventually learned that it’s okay to be selfish sometimes. If I am good at something and want to make a career out of it, I should pursue it, regardless of others’ opinions. After all, it’s my life. I am the one who has to live with my choices, and I am the one who has to wake up every morning and face myself in the mirror.

Happiness Over Approval

I wish I had understood earlier that life is not about making everyone around you happy. It’s about finding your own happiness and fulfillment. Chasing the approval of others is a never-ending race that only leads to exhaustion and emptiness. There’s a misconception that selflessness is about sacrificing your own happiness for the sake of others, but I’ve come to realize that being selfish sometimes is crucial for self-preservation. It’s okay to prioritize my own needs and desires. It’s okay if I don’t have a government job or meet society’s standards of success. What truly matters is that I am doing something that brings me joy and contentment. I now believe that real happiness comes from within and is not dependent on external validation.

Conclusion

These lessons, learned the hard way, have shaped who I am today. I no longer seek to please everyone, nor do I expect anything in return for my kindness or efforts. I choose my battles, protect my peace, and most importantly, I follow my own path. If there’s one thing I could share with my younger self or anyone who is struggling with these same challenges, it would be this: Do what makes you happy, be unapologetically yourself, and remember that it’s okay to prioritize your own well-being. After all, life is too short to live for anyone but yourself.

Daily writing prompt

Share a lesson you wish you had learned earlier in life.

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